Friday, August 22, 2008

emo nemo

lunch with mel today, albeit a quick one, triggered many thoughts. we talked about school, majors, people around us, people who came and went- suddenly i realised a lot has changed in the past yr or so that we've known each other. had a mental picture of us standing still, and the rest of the world moving along, ahead, away. i thought to myself, oh God, everything's moving so quickly i don't really know where i stand. mel spoke about how some people seem to have built "walls" around themselves, and i kinda agree. then at lecture, made a new friend dhan who's a freshie. he told me how he ended up in fass cos he failed to get into biz sch, despite having an additional advanced diploma which he studied part-time for during his NS days. "So i guess it's really too competitive," he said with a tinge of poignancy. my hat's off to him, though, for all that effort. there's nothing to lose from self-enrichment anyway.

we make choices and decisions every day, and each comes with its pros and cons, opportunity cost, sacrifices. one of my favourite statements is that what's meant to be will be. but i also understand that before you actually find out what IS meant to be, there's the painstaking process of making up your mind, the countless mental pictures of what-ifs, and sometimes even the inevitable tears and heartaches along the way. i made choices. i did mental calculations of the trade-offs. i knew what was in stall. i told mel, things change, and people change. for better or for worse, i don't think i ever have the right to judge. but for now, i also know i want more. inherently insatiably greedy, aren't we all. i don't know what i'd have to give up, or how much more to give in (usually i hate using this phrasal verb but well.)

i just wish i know what to do.

p.s: bumping into michy in sch (yes in KENT RIDGE CAMPUS) today was a superlicious surprise too!

by exalted! at 6:20 pm |