Friday, November 19, 2010

girl in the mirror

People tend to do this on 31 Dec, moments before the new year, before setting new year resolutions. But I thought, why wait?

Two months ago, a girl friend overseas and I spoke of our lives "coming to a halt". She said she felt she hasn't been doing anyting meaningful in particular, for way too long. Her words have been stuck at the back of my mind ever since, and in all randomness on a friday morning, I think I found an answer to why this second half of the year has been (and still is) the most tumultuous period for me:

I haven't really done anything that I can be proud of.

Which probably explains my surprise when a friend from school dropped me a deeply appreciative sms very recently. She thanked me for helping to clarify her doubts, because apparently many of the way better performers prefer to keep to themselves. It may not seem like a big deal but it actually brought tears to my eyes. It was then that I realised, all the lamentation about not getting sufficiently recognised/acknowledged/appreciated boils down to the fact that I haven't been adequately active in making a difference in anyone's lives. So maybe I've been implicitly expecting to reap what I never sowed. Talk about misperceptions. (Thanks, Robert Lucas.) And these misperceptions have spilled over to other aspects such as my confidence, my sense of motivation.

If there's still a supply of second chances, please do grant me one.

by exalted! at 10:16 am |