Thursday, December 02, 2010

reality hit

Narcissistic as it may sound, what an apt title I came up with.

After not watching five or six seasons of Survivor, I have actually been following the latest Nicaragua season and getting intrigued by all the scheming/backstabbing/acting/competing/fighting. I've long been convinced that there's way more drama in reality tv than drama serials. This time, nonetheless, setting aside all my usual skepticism about reality shows, there's something special in terms of what I call "timely relevance".

Two of the younger contestants quit after 28 days, citing reasons such as the elements of nature (e.g. incessant rain lasting up to 4-5 hours) getting to their psyche and physical bodies. The older contestants in their 50s and 60s couldn't help but look at them with expressions that read something like, helloooooo YOU are complaining about aching joints and the freezing cold?! WTF.

I did feel like the young contestants. Guilty as charged.

In my world there was a thunderstorm that lasted more than 4 months. It made me wana throw in the towel too. I wanted to quit myself so bad. I lost count of the number of times I took one step forward and three steps back. I kept making the same f-ing mistakes I told myself not to. I had no focus, no zest, no motivation, no sense of self-worth. I blamed others and I made others blame themselves. I was no longer as fun-loving as I always have been.

I'm really really sorry.

In a few hours I'd be going away for awhile. There's really nothing to ooh and aah over because to me this is a self-(re)discovery process in the bitter cold winter. Pull myself together, get a little breather.

I know I'm not alone.

For myself and anyone in need too:
The strongest part of us is in the deepest depths of our hearts. Imagine that there is, literally, a pillar of strength there. Search for it, grab hold of it, and hang on for your dear life. Even if it feels like you are hanging on by a thread.

Happy holidays all.

by exalted! at 11:27 pm |